Snooki Gives An Actual Lecture In A University And Millions Of Brains Leap Into The Sea
New Jersey is having something of a state crisis. There’s a $112.3 billion funding gap for next year according to the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities. Worse than that is House Republicans are planning on pushing through a plan to cut off further funding which will take away a further $32 billion.
Granted, that’s not your typical opener for a hecklerspray article, but digest those shoddily researched figures for a moment before considering this:
A New Jersey state university called Rutgers paid $32,000 of tax-payers money Snooki to give a speech about partying. Brilliant.
Yep. You read that right. The tottering orange ballsack from MTV show Jersey Shore was paid a big wodge of cold, hard cash to speak at 2,000 students who either loved the whole thing in a hootingly ironic way or sat there, wishing someone would lop the top of their heads off and feast on their weary brains.
The Q&A session covered some important topics of course.
The advice given to these poor shites included “when you’re tan, you feel better about yourself” as well as “study hard, but party harder.”
At the time of press, we can’t confirm if Snooki covered the whole ‘take your trousers off before defecating’ thing.
The best bit of this news is that Snooki received a whole $2,000 more than Nobel-Prize winner Tonie Morrison will get when they appear for this year’s commencement address.
Tax payers of New Jersey are, quite understandably, thrilled and not prowling the streets looking for someone to beat senseless with lumps of wood… or, alternatively, they could put their trust in this crying resident of New Jersey who wants to raise property taxes.
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