HecklerPlay: It’s Eurovision Time, Again
As far as most music fans in the UK are concerned, there is no other country in Europe that can produce decent quality sounds. This seems like a pretty arrogant attitude to take when you look at the UK charts and consider the fact that sodding Adele has been at number one for weeks.
Nonetheless, it seems that only British acts can top its own chart, giving the impression that all of Europe is rubbish at making music.
But fear not everyone, just like an awkward anniversary of getting a cyst removed, the annual event that is the Eurovision Song Content has rolled around. Each year we forget about our generic sounding cockney twostepgrimedubstepsplattermash and instead wrap our ears round European music that generally leaves us confused and wanting to suckle the safety teat of Lulu. Will we be seduced by Serbian harp playing or blown away by Latvian drum solos? Or will the whole thing be a fucking shambles, making Blue look like musical Gods?
This year’s Eurovision Song Contest is being held at the Düsseldorf Arena, in Germany. The 2010 winners always get to host the overly expensive event that might have seemed a great idea at the time, but once costs mount up, it like a totally pointless exercise. But then again, Germany will probably benefit financially from the influx of tourists who’ll come and indulge in its traditional cultural offerings, such as beer, sausages and weird leather based garments – Angela Merkel’s face being a mixture of all three.
It’s at this time where we should probably offer some sort of betting odds and laugh at some of the various entrants in this year’s competition. However, some of the various slaves who pump out words at hecklerspray have decided to live tweet the event on Saturday. What’ll make it better is seeing the acts for the first time so we can give a totally unbiased opinion, all whilst getting slightly more intoxicated as the night goes on.
As it stands, we’re aware of two acts that are set to feature in Eurovision and both are strangely ones we’ve heard before. For the UK, its piss poor excuse for a boy band, Blue. Once upon a time they were quite popular and then it went downhill as idiot members such as Lee Ryan decided to speak for themselves. Scraping the bottom of the barrel is an understatement as Blue attempt to revitalise their career. We can assume they’ve been picked by the BBC as most of Europe know who they are already, giving a slight advantage. Here is their entry which sounds like a shit motivational speech backed by music made on a broken keyboard:
Elsewhere, Ireland have down the road of using a novelty act and have sent Jedward along to show the rest of Europe that there is more to the nation than U2 and Tatyos.
The duo have remarkably made a decent career after being kicked off the X-Factor a couple of years ago. This track is much more uptempo than the offering from Blue. We can only assume that Jedward are going down the Rihanna and Britney Spears route of releasing an electronica tinged song because it’s the current flavour of the month.
Out of the UK and Ireland song choices, we’d probably say Jedward will win. Not because we we’re being petty and detest Blue, but it’s more energetic track. Europeans seem to like bonkers offerings and out of the two, Jedward win.
Remember, we should be around on Saturday to live blog it. Hopefully Twitter won’t block our account like they did for the Royal Wedding.
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