HecklerPlay: Fun With Vegetables
Everyone knows someone who is a dedicated music fan don’t they? Or as we prefer to call them, obnoxious buttocks. These are the sort of people who’ll stand at the front of a gig and get upset with the rest of the crowd when they head-nod or wander to the back halfway through for a drink.
We are those idiots and we’ve got bored of music.
So, one day, while in our grim bedsit, some members of the hecklerspray scribbling staff got bored with listening to jazz funk. Even digital feedback wasn’t pushing our buttons. The market is so saturated with crap that finding that rare gem is nearly impossible. We wanted something totally different and fresh sounding. What did we find? A style of performing that has to be done before mould literally kicks in. That’s right; some brilliant people have decided to make music with vegetables!
It’s well known that vegetables have been used for years to make sounds. However, we don’t own any records featuring a selection of Dutch brunettes who use various cucumbers as a masturbatory aid. Even though some of you would want us to do so, we won’t be linking you to such filth. Just ask your mum to do what she did before she met your dad on that one night stand.
Of course, you might think that we’re talking a load of rubbish and we’ve just decided to mess you around. Pete Doherty fans in particular will need some sort of new idol to follow since he was banged up in prison. Whilst we’d personally love to show you how vegetable music is done, we can’t. Mainly because we don’t have enough money to buy food and we don’t own a video camera.
We’ll start with the bad ass carrot clarinet, for no reason other than because they hurt when repeatedly beaten over the head with.
What’s that you say? You want more hot action? Well, we do like to keep you happy. Here is a man who has a set of awful curtains; however all is forgiven as he is rocking it with his very own cucumber and carrot trumpet. Groove on brother.
Panpipes are generally seen as boring and dull instruments. We’ve never seen anyone plug one in to an amp onstage and lose themselves in the moment of hitting that key note. But throw in some more carrot and celery, then you have something that is as mind blowing as seeing a film in surround sound, 3D and HD:
We haven’t been a vegetable based gig, but we assume that at the end of a show, the instruments are made in to a tasty stew instead of being smashed against walls. Imagine the mess. The delicious, mouth-watering mess.
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