Coheed & Cambria Bassist Does Lamest Stick-Up Job (A Potted History Of Mario Lopez)
Jesus Christ. If Coheed & Cambria weren’t lame enough, the bass player from the band (pictured right) has only gone and done the most rubbish heist in human history. Not content with peddling wearisome lamerock, he’s gone and stolen some antacids from a chemist. With a phone.
Seriously. The pinhead, called Michael Todd, couldn’t even be bothered to write out a stickup note, preferring to tap it out on his mobile and show them that.
It probably said: ‘THS IS A STICKUP PT UR HNDS UP N GV ME ALL UR TABLTS OR ELSE PMSL kthnxbai‘
So what was this complete berk doing then? Well, he made off with a Massachusetts pharmacy’s prescription pain pills a matter of hours before his scheduled rock concert.
Presumably the tablets were to deal with the unbearable pain of a) Having to listen to his own music and b) Dealing with his gratingly sycophantic fanbase.
And even though it barely registers on the crime scale, Todd was arrested by bored policemen who had absolutely no idea he was in a vaguely famous group in the first place.
In fact, most of you haven’t got a clue who Coheed & Cambria are and too busy looking at the lovely picture of AC Slater above. For the record ‘AC’ stands for ‘Albert Clifford’. Of course, Slater was played by the dashing Mario Lopez who describes himself as a ‘committed Catholic’ and a conservative when it comes to voting.
You obviously know him from Saved By The Bell, but he’s appeared in a whole bunch of stuff. Did you know he was in an episode of The Golden Girls as a Cuban boy named Mario who faced deportation? That must’ve been a gas!
Most recently, he appeared in Dancing with the Stars, finishing in second place, which is just great. Better yet, is that Lopez hosted the creepy sounding Miss Teen USA. AC Slater would’ve definitely approved.
What? Coheed & Cambria? No-one cares about those pricks do they?
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